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When qis meqod fáls, qá hæv tú oqrs mor éfectiúal, whitj q lrned amok qem col acrostics ænd ænagræms. Frst qá cæn désyfr ol inixl letrs intú colédjan ménks. Qus, "p" xæl signify a plot; "c" a conspérasi; "a" æn æntipód. Secndly, by trænspósk q letrs v q ælfabet in eni suspectd pápr, qá cæn discovr q trú intenxns v a discontentd parti. Só for ecsæmpl if y xwd sá in a letr tú a frend, "Our brother Tom has just got the piles," a scil-ful désyfrr wd discovr qæt q sám letrs whitj compóz qæt sentns má bé ænalyzd intú q folóik wrds: "Resist -- a plot is brought home -- the tour," whitj is q ænagræmætic meqod. Wn scolr évn dedicátd his studis on ecstendk q ænagræm tú ol typs v æsonans ænd rézemblans in wrds, whitj, æz hé sed, wd éventiúali prúv qæt ol modrn lækguidjs ænd póetri ar básd on noqik but ænagræmæticl prmiútáxns. Y was tóld qæt, if y was wilk tú lrn q art v désyfrk plots ænd conspérasis, y wd get rid v M-- ænd my glæses, ænd só y didnt hezitát tú ecspres my nterest. Houevr, it was neseseri tú mác a fávorabl imprexn upon wn v q départmnt membrs, hú iújuali hæd qer dá jobs in wn v q oqr départmts, ænd bé æcseptd æz æn adept. Q départmnt hæd sics conspérativ ofises in ol wiks v q bildk ænd was mád up v pépl from ol sóxl ræncs. When qá woc from wn part v q bildk tú anoqr, qá iúz tú wer veri simpl clóqk, but, æz a syn v recognixn, olwás hæv a blæc pés v qred in q upr butnhól v qer xrt or djæcet. Qis trædixn was aledjdli estæblixd by q foundr v q départmnt hú wor a blæc róp around his loins. Æt asemblis, q départmnt membrs wer a prpl gartr ribn. Qá wr rúmrd tú wrc on a lardj pápr v instrucxns for discoverk plots ænd conspérasis agenst qemselvs. Sutj plots ar iújuali q wrcmnxip v qóz hú lyc tú qinc v q ecsistens v anti-départmnt forses. It is frst agréd ænd setld amok qem qæt qá xæl aciúz qemselvs æz anti-départmnt ádjnts; qen, qá tác éfectiúal cer tú séciúr qer ón letrs ænd páprs. Qéz páprs ar délivrd tú a grúp v scolrs, veri decstrus in fyndk out q mistérius ménks v wrds, silabls, ænd letrs. For instans, qá cæn discovr a clóqs-stúl tú signify a conspérasi; a floc v gés, æn æsæsn; a lám dog, a subvrsiv fors; q plág, a gun; a buzrd, a scolr; q gout; a brúm, a revólúxn; a moustræp, æn emploimnt; a botmles pit, q trejri; a runk sor, q ædministráxn.

When this method fails, they have two others more effectual, which the learned among them call acrostics and anagrams. First they can decipher all initial letters into collegian meanings. Thus, "p" shall signify a plot; "c" a conspiracy; "a" an antipode. Secondly, by transposing the letters of the alphabet in any suspected paper, they can discover the true intentions of a discontented party. So for example if I should say in a letter to a friend, "Our brother Tom has just got the piles," a skillful decipherer would discover that the same letters which compose that sentence may be analyzed into the following words: "Resist--a plot is brought home--the tour," which is the anagrammatic method. One scholar even dedicated his studies on extending the anagram to all types of assonance and resemblance in words, which, as he said, would eventually prove that all modern languages and poetry are based on nothing but anagrammatical permutations. I was told that, if I was willing to learn the art of deciphering plots and conspiracies, I would get rid of M. and my glasses, and so I didn't hesitate to express my interest. However, it was necessary to make a favorable impression upon one of the department members, who usually had their day jobs in one of the other departments, and be accepted as an adept. The department had six conspirative offices in all wings of the building and was made up of people from all social ranks. When they walk from one part of the building to another, they use to wear very simple clothing, but, as a sign of recognition, always have a black piece of thread in the upper buttonhole of their shirt or jacket. This tradition was allegedly established by the founder of the department who wore a black rope around his loins. On assemblies, the department members wear a purple garter ribbon. They were rumored to work on a large paper of instructions for discovering plots and conspiracies against themselves. Such plots are usually the workmanship of those who like to think of the existence of anti-department forces. It is first agreed and settled among them that they shall accuse themselves as anti-department agents; then, they take effectual care to secure their own letters and papers. These papers are delivered to a group of scholars, very dexterous in finding out the mysterious meanings of words, syllables, and letters. For instance, they can discover a close-stool to signify a conspiracy; a flock of geese, an assassin; a lame dog, a subversive force; the plague, a gun; a buzzard, a scholar; the gout; a broom, a revolution; a mousetrap, an employment; a bottomless pit, the treasury; a running sore, the administration.

Indéd y hæd aprótjd somwn hú was a départmnt membr ænd engádjd in what hé cold ædvænsd lækguidj. Y hæd tácn my sét necst tú him in q comns qen, obsrvk hou hé red in a smol bwc whitj hé pwt undr a piló æftr dinr. When hé hæd left, y went ænd twc q bwc from its hydk plás ænd, when y found qæt it was about plots ænd désyfrk, y cept on rédk it ntil M-- rétrnd. Poligræfia was q tytl v qis bwc, ænd it contánd, asyd from its speciúlativ æspects, q prinsipl tétjks v likguistics. In qis wá, y finixd a cuartr v q bwc wiqin a fiú ours. Æs y was stil tú xy tú directli spéc tú my nábr, y désyded tú lév him a letr in whitj y ecspresd my interest in qis particiúlr syens ænd qerfor æscd him tú suport mé. In q comns, y wns mor twc a sét clós tú him, ænd hé mád a litl djestiúr whitj tóld mé qæt hé hæd nótisd qis. When q hol hæd emptid, hé cám óvr ænd tóld mé qæt hé wdnt mynd mé lrnk q ædæmitic lækguidj; qæt hé hæd olredi aránjd q dismisl v my gydk M--. From nou on, hé wd suport mé æz mutj æz hé cwd dú. Sins hé himself olwás néded his bwc æt hænd, hé cwd not lend it tú mé, but gáv mé prmixn tú studi it in his ón ofis djust æz y lycd. Y glædli æcseptd his ofr, ænd wiqout lévk his ofis y bégæn rédk q secnd hæf v q bwc, hópk y wd bé ábl tú lév æftrwrds. My prólokd rédk houevr trnd out tú bé somwhat inconvénient for him. Hé was frexli engádjd tú æn atræctiv yuk pér, ænd æz his por litl ofis was æt wns his bedrúm, my industrius sens hæpnd tú cólyd wiq q mæn's senxúæliti. Consicuentli, in ordr tú get rid v mé, hé déclerd my studis sucsesfuli complétd olqó y hæd not évn finixd hæf v my rédk.

Indeed I had approached someone who was a department member and engaged in what he called advanced language. I had taken my seat next to him in the commons then, observing how he read in a small book which he put under a pillow after dinner. When he had left, I went and took the book from its hiding-place and, when found that it was about plots and deciphering, I kept on reading it until M. returned. Polygraphia was the title of this book, and it contained, aside from its speculative aspects, the principal teachings of linguistics. In this way, I finished a quarter of the book within a few hours. As I was still too shy to directly speak to my neighbor, I decided to leave him a letter in which I express my interest in this particular science and therefore asked him to support me. In the commons, I once more took a seat close to him, and he made a little gesture which told me that he had noticed this. When the hall had emptied, he came over and told me that he wouldn't mind me learning the adamitic language; that he had already already arranged the dismissal of my guiding M.. From now on, he would support me as much as he could do. Since he himself always needed his book at hand, he could not lend it to me, but gave me permission to study it in his own office just as I liked. I gladly accepted his offer, and without leaving his office I began reading the second half of the book, hoping I would be able to leave afterwards. My prolonged reading however turned out to be somewhat inconvenient for him. He was freshly engaged to an attractive young peer, and as his poor little office was at once his bedroom, my industrious sense happened to collide with the man's sensuality. Consequently, in order to get rid of me, he declared my studies successfully completed although I had not even finished half of my reading.

Wiq aplyik ædvænsd lækguidj, y did not sucséd só wel æz wiq q qéori. My tétjer bóstd qæt hé was a mæstr v qis olsó ænd espexli prófesd tú bé ábl tú mác himself invizibl. Y was particiúlrli égr for qis artifis ænd qerfor implord him tú disclóz qis sécret tú mé. Hé didnt mynd himself tú bé prsuáded, but tóld mé æt q sám tym qæt srtn preparáxns wr néded; qæt y hæd tú "fynd ænd prform a hævknes proses on myself." Qis "Outsyd Proseses Sóló" contánd sevrl ecsrsyzs rélátd tú nóik about or intendk rændm pépl, ænd was ámd æt indúsk secxúal iúnions on q mentl plán in ordr tú atjév srtn éfects in q fizicl wrld. Y wasnt aloud tú ét eniqik but whyt fúd. For a hól wéc, my méls consistd v suét-salti dixs básd on scimd milc, whyt bred wiqout crusts ænd rys. Tú my disgruntlmnt, my tétjer hæd sézd my whyt blæncets ænd my "Batida de Coco" botl for his ón prposes v studi, æz hé pwt it. In q cors v my ecsrsyzs, hé rémánd in q bæcground, q botl in his ryt hænd ænd som marxmelós in his left. Ol my atempts tú get a fer xer v q marxmelós wr in ván. Æt q end v q wéc, hé fynali gáv in, but, sins nó mor marxmelós wr left, anounsd tú cwc mé a dinr in selebráxn v my sucsesful ecsrsyzk. Y was slytli disapointd when his dinr trnd out tú bé a smol porxn v rys pwdk, but hé was veri frendli ænd twc cer qæt y wd get plenti v q vanila sos. Só y át, ænd hé held a spétj. Q Outsyd Proseses Sóló, hé sed, ælegóricli ment qæt y hæd whyt waxd my drti linens. Y was olmóst don wiq my mél when his vois trembld, ænd hé horsli wisprd qæt y hæd waxd my drti linens ænd givn somqik v myself. Ænd só hé, his srmn continiúd, hæd givn somqik v himself ænd -- hæd mæstrbátd intú q vanila sos. Y was xocd. Weqr his intenxn hæd bén tú ecstend q blétjk proses ontu my bodi or not, upon hérk qis, my fás hæd trnd whyt, ol whyt. Olqó disgustd, y nevrqeles réalyzd qæt nou y hæd don evriqik æz hé tóld mé, ænd só y bélévd wiq ol confidens qæt y hæd bécom invizibl. Imédiatli, y went strát up tú him ænd gáv him a slæp round his fás. Hé, houevr, did not hezitát a secnd ænd slæmd his fist strát intú my stomac. Xóik nó compæxn whatsóevr, hé sed qæt, sins y hæd obsrvd ol his ordrs ænd his dyeteri rejém, y was obviusli unfit for ædvænsd lækguidj.

With applying advanced language, I didn't not succeed so well as with the theory. My teacher boasted that he was a master of this also and especially professed to be able to make himself invisible. I was particularly eager for this artifice and therefore implored him to disclose this secret to me. He didn't mind himself to be persuaded, but told me at the same time that certain preparation were needed; that I had "find and perform a havingness process on myself." This "Outside Processes Solo" contained several exercises related to knowing about or intending random people, and was aimed at inducing sexual unions on the mental plane in order to achieve certain effects in the physical world. I wasn't allowed to eat anything but white food. For a whole week, my meals consisted of sweet-salty dishes based on skimmed milk, white bread without crust and rice. To my disgruntlement, my teacher had seized my white blankets and my Batida de Coco bottle for his own purposes of study, as he put it. In the course my exercise, he remained in the background, the bottle in his right hand and some marshmellows in his left. All my attempts to get a fair share of the marshmellows were in vain. At the end of the week, he finally gave in, but, since no more marshmellows were left, announced to cook me a dinner in celebration of my successful exercising. I was slightly disappointed when his dinner turned out to be a small portion of rice pudding, but he was very friendly and took care that I would get plenty of the vanilla sauce. So I ate, and he held a speech. The Outside Processes Solo, he said, allegorically meant that I had whitewashed my dirty linens. I was almost done with my meal when his voice trembled, and he hoarsely whispered that I had washed my dirty linens and given something of myself. And so he, his sermon continued, had given something of himself and--masturbated into the vanilla sauce. I was shocked. Whether his intention had been to extend the bleaching process onto my body or not, upon hearing this, my head had turned white, all white. Although disgusted, I nevertheless realized that now I had done everything as he told me, and so I believed with all confidence that I had become invisible. Immediately, I went straight up to him and gave him a slap round his face. He, however, did not hesitate a second and slammed his fist straight into my stomach. Showing no compassion whatsoever, he said that, since I had observed all his orders and his dietary regime, I was obviously unfit for advanced language.

Sombodi nocd æt q dor, ænd it didnt srpryz mé qæt it was M--. Hé brot mé bæc tú q départmnt ofis; qer, a mæn wiq a lok silvr her wig ænd lots v plæstic djúelri around his beli sæt on a tábl. Y was forsd tú nél doun, ænd in a paqetic hy-pitjd vois, hé déclerd qæt y hæd abiúzd q boundles luv v qem ol, déspyt ol q piti ænd tolerans y hæd résévd; qæt my próbáxner ænd qer páxens was ecséded; qæt y xwd undrstænd qæt q spexl tecnécs cwd not hæv bén disclózd tú mé béfor my ful inixiáxn whitj y hæd gæmbld awé; qæt y hæd tú rénouns evriqik y hæd sén ænd hrd ænd vou not tú bétrá qer frendxip, acuántenses, náms ænd, æz hé pwt it, q nests v qer góldn brdis. Qéz wr q læst ænd wrst æciúzáxns qæt y sustánd. Anoqr mæn, y cwd not sé hú hé was, cám óvr ænd cut awé ol my her. In qis encountr, y must ædmit, y was redi tú désper, sins hé xávd mé forsfuli, ænd y cwd sé noqik. Y qot qæt my trn hæd com, ænd qæt y myt not get out alyv. But q invizibl barbr cerfuli gæqrd q her hé hæd cut of ænd cerid it awé wiq him. Q óld mæn wiq plæstic djúelri raised his vois agen, sáik qæt, sins qis was my veri læst tym hér, y xwd béháv myself acordkli ænd not agenst his comænds. Qen hé twc mé in his arms, cisd mé, ænd, if y undrstwd him corectli, ordrd mé tú sit æt wn v q gáts from necst mornk on. Æftr hé hæd spócn in a frendli tón tú mé for a whyl, M-- brot mé outsyd. Wé pæsd q lumbr rúm, q qrd ænd secnd gát ænd q portr's lodjk æt frst gát. A desc ænd a benx stwd qer, ænd só y lá on q benx wher y spent olmóst tú, ænd (...)

Somebody knocked at the door, and it didn't surprise me that it was M. He brought me back to the department office; there, a man with a long silver hair wig and lots of plastic jewelry around his belly sat on a table. I was forced to kneel down, and in a pathetic high-pitched voice, he declared that I had abused the boundless love of them all, despite all the pity and tolerance I had received; that my probationary and their patience was exceeded; that I should understand that the special techniques could not have been disclosed to me before my full initiation which I had gambled away; that I had to renounce everything I had seen and heard and vow not to betray their friendship, acquaintances, names and, as he put it, the nests of their golden birdies. These were the last and worst accusations that I sustained. Another man, I could not see who he was, came over and cut away all my hair. In this encounter, I must admit, I was ready to despair, since he shaved me forcefully, and I could see nothing. I thought that my turn had come, and that I might not get out alive. But the invisible barber carefully gathered the hair he had cut off and carried it away with him. The old man with plastic jewelry raised his voice again, saying that, since this was my very last time here, I should behave myself accordingly and not against his commands. Then he took me in his arms, kissed me, and, if I understood him correctly, ordered me to sit at one of the gates from next morning on. After he had spoken in a friendly tone to me for a while, M. brought me outside. We passed the lumber room, the third and second gate and the porter's lodging at first gate. A desk and a bench stood there, and so I lay on the bench where I spent almost two, and (...)

[About tú nótbwc pádjs ar misk hér, ænd q oqr v qis, ecspectk tú bé portr in q mornk, left.]

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[About two notebook pages are missing here, and the author of this, expecting to be porter in the morning, left.]

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