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IC by F.C.

SOMBODI NOCD æt q dor, ænd it didnt srpryz mé qæt it was M — —. Hé wasnt wn v q def pépl; on q contreri, his æprihenxn ænd spétj was cuic, ænd æt wns hé was by my syd. Djesticiúlátk wiq his wock stic, hé cept æsck mé wher y cám from ænd wher y wantd tú gó. Upon hérk v my plæn, hé æscd mé wher my gyd was. Y tóld him qæt y was my ón gyd; qæt y hæd énof confidens in my ón wits tú get mé wher y wantd tú gó. But q mæn did not cer mutj about my ópinion. Hé hæd aledjdli sén it ol ænd nú evriqik. If y wd foló him, hé sed, hé cwd brik mé tú meni pláses y wd nevr sé oqrwyz. Qen hé ædvyzd mé not tú stá on my ón ænd not tú óvrli ecspóz myself; oqrwyz, y wd pwt myself in constnt dánjr v béik bétn up or tricd out. Y cwd not but entr ryt necst tú him, sins q gát was sudnli xut só qæt a part v my cót was locd out. Y was forsd tú tác it of ænd lév it béhynd mé æz qer sémd nó tjæns tú prsuád q portr tú ópn q gát agen. Hé gáv q cés tú a mesnjr hú locd qem up in a sáf. Ménwhyl y hæd a lwc æt q gát but stil cwdnt sé eni difrens bétuén q frst ænd q secnd wn. Djust by q dor wr tú colums; on wn v qem stwd a tol fémál figiúr in a báqk sút wiq q inscripxn: “Nou iú sé us.” Q oqr was an ecsæct copi v q frst, ænd bénéq was ritn: “Nou iú dónt sé us.” Y hæd tú giv my nám agen, whitj was qis læst tym ritn doun in a gest bwc. Y qen résévd q djeniúin gest tócn, whitj was somwhat smolr qæn q formr ænd v blænc metl. Bésyds qis, y hæd tú lév my xús tú q portr tú not drti q flor, æz hé sed. Y was tú giv awé my socs tú wn v q hómles pépl hú sæt, in veri gwd ordr, béló q gát. Y gáv qem tú an óld mæn, wherupon q portr brot mé intú a litl tjámbr. It trnd out tú bé q scúl v lækguidjs wher qré men sæt in consultáxn on imprúvk qer ón.

IC by F.C.

SOMEBODY KNOCKED at the door, and it didn’t surprise me that it was M — —. He wasn’t one of the deaf people; on the contrary, his apprehension and speech was quick, and at once he was by my side. Gesticulating with his walking stick, he kept asking me where I came from and where I wanted to go. Upon hearing of my plan, he asked me where my guide was. I told him that I was my own guide; that I had enough confidence in my own wits to get me where I wanted to go. But the man did not care much about my opinion. He had allegedly seen it all and knew everything. If I would follow him, he said, he could bring me to many places I would never see otherwise. Then he advised me not to stay on my own and not to overly expose myself; otherwise, I would put myself in constant danger of being beaten up or tricked out. I could not but enter right next to him, since the gate was suddenly shut so that a part of my coat was locked out. I was forced to take it off and leave it behind me as there seemed no chance to persuade the porter to open the gate again. He gave the keys to a messenger who locked them up in a safe. Meanwhile I had a look at the gate but still couldn’t see any difference to the first and the second one. Just by the door were two columns; on one of them stood a tall female figure in a bathing suit with the inscription: “Now you see us.” The other was an exact copy of the first, and beneath was written: “Now you don’t see us.” I had to give my name again, which was this last time written down in a guest book. I then received the genuine guest token, which was somewhat smaller than the former and of blank metal. Besides this, I had to leave my shoes to the porter to not dirty the floor, as he said. I was to give away my socks to one of the homeless people who sat, in very good order, below the gate. I gave them to an old man, whereupon the porter brought me into a little chamber. It turned out to be the school of languages where three men sat in consultation on improving their own.

Q ónli mesnjr was M-- hú alón myt bé givn oqoriti tú gyd mé. Hé brot mé bæc tú q ofis; qer, a mæn wiq a lok silvr her wig ænd lots v plæstic djúelri around his beli sæt on a tábl. Y was forsd tú nél doun, ænd in a paqetic hy-pitjd vois, hé déclerd qæt y hæd abiúzd his boundles luv, déspyt ol q piti ænd tolerans y hæd résévd; qæt my próbáxnr ænd qer páxens was ecséded; qæt y xwd undrstænd qæt ædvænsd lækguidj cwd not hæv bén disclózd tú mé béfor my ful inixiáxn whitj y hæd gæmbld awé; qæt y hæd tú rénouns evriqik y hæd sén ænd hrd ænd vou not tú bétrá qer frendxip, acuántenses, náms ænd, æz hé pwt it, q nests v qer góldn brdis. Tú hæv abiúzd qer luv was q læst ænd wrst v q æciúzáxns qæt y sustánd.

The only messenger was M. who alone might be given authority to guide me. He brought me back to the office; there, a man with a long silver hair wig and lots of plastic jewelry around his belly sat on a table. I was forced to kneel down, and in a pathetic high-pitched voice, he declared that I had abused his boundless love, despite all the pity and tolerance I had received; that my probationary and their patience was exceeded; that I should understand that advanced language could not have been disclosed to me before my full initiation which I had gambled away; that I had to renounce everything I had seen and heard and vow not to betray their friendship, acquaintances, names and, as he put it, the nests of their golden birdies. To have abused their love were the last and worst accusations that I sustained.

Y HÆD NOT met meni pépl in q oqr sitis, yet y was hæpi tú ecsplor q erial grounds ænd temperat clymat, écuali rémót from q intens cóld v q outscrts ænd q intens hét v qóz sitis wher pépl liv in compæct stón houses undr watr. On qer cósts, a stón formd out v subteránian vedjetabl júses is cæst axor in lardj cuantitis. Not tú menxn q coral v q sé, whitj, oridjinali a plænt, hardns outsyd watr intú a whyt or red tré v stón. It is q rq v qóz sitis whitj rézists fyr, lyc góld, ænd is not rézolvd intú er. Whyl qéz sitis hæd sémd q veri plás in whitj y xwd bé móst lycli tú sucséd, móst v qóz húm y hæd met læfd æt my prodject. Æftr spendk a considerabl part v my lyf in q sitis, it hædnt tácn mé lok tú réalyz qæt, insted v lrnk q arts ænd syenses, y hæd bén tricd wiq hócses ænd cimeras. Æt frst y didnt cuyt nó wheqr y xwd læf or djoin in q ecsclamáxn qæt ol qiks ar væniti. Ecsperiens tot mé tú wiqdro from q sén or gó abrod. It was æt qæt tym when y frst hrd v qis plás, q ónli wn v its cynd in q sitis v q wrld. Y cwdnt sériusli hóp tú fynd it, but was sézd wiq q lokik tú sé æt lést wn v its smolest remnants. For qis unspécabl privilidj y was wilk tú spend my fortiún, tú trævl far ænd wyd, ænd tú endúr evri hardxip. Qer was, v cors, mutj tú discúridj mé. Som pépl dényd qer veri ecsistens; oqrs læfd æt my fáq in its wundr-wrck nolidj. Béfor y left, y tú hædnt nón wheqr y xwd læf or djoin in q ecsclamáxn qæt ol qiks ar væniti. It didnt tác mé lok tú réalyz qæt y xwd wiqdro from q sén, wheqr æt hóm by méns v bwcs or wheqr abrod in q sitis. For qis privilidj y was wilk tú spend my fortiún, tú trævl far ænd wyd, ænd tú endúr evri hardxip. Qer was, v cors, mutj tú discúridj mé. Som pépl sed qæt y hæd falen in luv wiq q xædó v my ón mynd, q ecó v my ván qots; qæt it hæd nó substans apart from my ón fænsi.

I had not met many people in the other cities, yet I was happy to explore the aerial grounds and temperate climate, equally remote from the intense cold of the outskirts and the intense heat of those cities where people live in compact stone houses under water. On their coasts, a stone formed out of subterranean vegetable juices is cast ashore in large quantities. Not to mention the coral of the Sea, which, originally a plant, hardens outside water into a white or red tree of stone. It is the earth of those cities which resists fire, like gold, and is not resolved into air. While these cities had seemed the very place in which I should be most likely to succeed, most of those whom I had met laughed at my project. After spending a considerable part of my life in the cities, it hadn’t take me long to realize that, instead of learning the arts and sciences, I had been tricked with hoaxes and chimeras. At first I didn’t quite know whether I should laugh or join in the exclamation that all things are vanity. Experience taught me to withdraw from the scene or go abroad. It was at that time when I first heard of this place, the only one of its kind in the cities of the world. I couldn’t seriously hope to find it, but was seized with the longing to see of at least one of its smallest remnants. For this unspeakable privilege I was willing to spend my fortune, to travel far and wide, and to endure every hardship. There was, of course, much to discourage me. Some people denied its very existence; others laughed at my faith in its wonder-working knowledge. Before I left, I too hadn’t known whether I should laugh or join in the exclamation that all things are vanity. It didn’t take me long to realize that I should withdraw from the scene, whether at home by means of books or whether abroad in the cities. For this privilege I was willing to spend my fortune, to travel far and wide, and to endure every hardship. There was, of course, much to discourage me. Some people said that I had fallen in love with the shadow of my own mind, the echo of my vain thoughts; that it had no substance apart from my own fancy.

But wher xwd y lwc for it? Húm xwd y æsc? Y désyded tú gó abrod ænd srtj. Tú gyd my wá in q ryt direcxns, my djrni was tú foló q conjunctiv rúls. Y wd lév my nátiv contri -- dérli æz y luv it, ænd sædli æz y xwd mis my frends -- ænd wandr from siti tú siti. It is énof for mé tú sé q sun ænd its rás, évn qó y cænot tutj it. But hou cwd y fynd eniqik? Hou cwd y bécom a mæstr béfor y hæd bén a néofyt? Acordk tú q conjunctiv rúls, y wd trævl from siti tú siti by départk from ænd aryvk æt stréts wiq ydenticl náms. Q products v ol sitis ar not q sám, ænd prhæps y má lrn in wn plás what y cænot get tú nó in anoqr. Y qerfor préperd myself for a lok djrni, détrmink tú trævl. Wiqin q sitis, q conjunctiv rúl créátd nó mádjr obstæcls. Tú gyd my wá in q ryt direcxns, my djrni was tú foló tú q conjunctiv rúls. Tú set of on my trævl, y départd from R. strét in D., wocd dountoun tú q harbr, got on a bót tú B. ænd wocd a fiú minits tú R. strét in B. Outsyd q sitis houevr, strét nám djrnis récuyr delicat plænk, sins q strét náms hæv tú mætj ecsæctli ænd trænsláxns ar not aloud. Y olsó hæd tú óbé q rúl v not byik mæps in ordr tú cælciúlát conjuncxns in ædvæns ænd nevr táck q sám wá tuys, régardles v q direcxn. Som trævlrs ar rúmrd tú hæv vænixd on qer strét nám djrnis; oqrs got cot in étrnl lúps or æt ded ends, lyc qóz hú, in qer atemt tú tác an injénius xortcut from q siti v O. tú q siti v C., ended up in a siti wher q stréts hæv nó náms ænd ol strét nám djrnis ar dúmd tú súnr or látr fynd qer destináxn. Qus, if wé bélév q ledjnd, it ol bégæn. Ænd qus q conjunctiv rúl sémd q best for my cuest; it gáv mé rézonabl hóps v aryvk súnr or látr.

But where should I look for it? Whom should I ask? I decided to go abroad and search. To guide my way in the right directions, my journey was to follow to the conjunctive rules. I would leave my native country--dearly as I love it, and sadly as I should miss my friends--and wander from city to city. It is enough for me to see the sun and its rays, even though I cannot touch it. But how could I find anything? How could I become a master before I had been a neophyte? According to the conjunctive rules, I would travel from city to city by departing from and arriving at streets with identical names. The products of all cities are not the same, and perhaps I may learn in one place what I cannot get to know in another. I therefore prepared myself for a long journey, determining to travel. Within the cities, the conjunctive rule created no major obstacles. To guide my way in the right directions, my journey was to follow to the conjunctive rules. To set off my travel, I departed from R. Street in D., walked downtown to the harbour, got on a boat to B. and walked a few minutes to the R. Street in B.. Outside the cities however, street name journeys require delicate planning, since the street names have to match exactly and translations are not allowed. I also had to obey the rule of not buying maps in order to calculate conjunctions in advance and never taking the same way twice, regardless the direction. Some travellers are rumored to have vanished on their street name journeys; others got caught in eternal loops or at dead ends, like those who, in their attempt to take an ingenious shortcut from the city of O. to the city of C., ended up in a city where the streets have no names and all street name journeys are doomed to sooner or later find their destination. Thus, if we believe the legend, it all began. And thus the conjunctive rule seemed the best for my quest; it gave me reasonable hopes of arriving sooner or later.

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