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When y hrd qis, y was ful v djoi, ænd æscd q scolr wheqr qá cwd help mé in my afer. But qá tóld mé not tú æsc qem; qæt it wasnt in qer pour tú help mé out v my dificulti. Nevrqeles, qá sed, qer cwd bé nó dout qæt q móst mportnt part v q entrpryz was upon myself.

When I heard this, I was full of joy, and asked the scholar whether they could help me in my affair. But they told me not to ask them; that it wasn't in their power to help me out of my difficulty. Nevertheless, they said, there could be no doubt that the most important part of the enterprise was upon myself.

If M-- cwd bé trustd, qen y hæd ónli sén wn syd v q bildk. Q oqr ænd mor significnt wn, hé sed, was dedicátd sóli tú speciú¦lativ nolidj. Æftr æn endles woc alok q watr pyps in q básment, wé aryvd in a sterwá ænd fynali in a veri lardj rúm wher forti pépl hæd asembld around a monstrus stél frám. Y was tóld tú rnestli lwc on q frám whitj twc up q grátest part v bóq q lekq ænd widq v q rúm. Y qen was aprótjd by wn v q men. Prhæps, hé sed tú mé, y myt wundr tú sé him emploid in a prodject for imprúvk speciúlativ nolidj by præcticl ænd mecænicl operáxns. But q wrld wd sún undrstænd its iúsfulnes, ænd hé flætrd himself qæt hé ænd his colégs hæd com up wiq q móst revólúxnary qot v ol tyms. Evriwun nú hou labórius arts ænd syenses normali ar; but wiq qer invenxn, q móst ignorant prsn má, wiq a litl bodili lábr, ryt groundbráck ænd ensyclópédic bwcs in likguistics, póetics, filosofi, mæqemætics, æstronomi, miúzicl compósixn ænd djéografi wiqout q lést néd v djénius or studi. Q frám was tuenti fét scuer, plásd in q midl v q rúm. Q súrfas was mád v sevrl plæstic péses wiq about q dyæmetr v a dy, but som lardjr qæn oqrs. Qá wr ol lincd túgeqr by wyrs. Q plæstic péses wr covrd on evri scuer wiq pápr, ænd on qéz páprs wr ritn ol q wrds v qer lækguidj, in qer sevrl tenses ænd déclenxns, but wiqout eni ordr. Q scolr æscd mé tú obsrv, for hé ænd his colégs wr góik tú set qer enjn æt wrc. Evri wn v qem græbd wn v q forti yrn hændls around q edjs v q frám, ænd givk qem a sudn trn, q displá v q wrds was entyrli tjánjd. Qen, qrti-sics pépl bégæn tú réd q sevrl lyns softli æz qá apérd upon q frám. Wher qá found qré or for wrds túgeqr qæt myt mác part v a sentns, qá dictátd tú q for rémánk pépl hú wr scrybs. Qis wrc was répétd qré or for tyms, ænd æt evri trn q wrds xiftd intú nú pláses æz q scuer bits v plæstic múvd upsyd doun. Sics ours a dá evriwn was emploid in qis lábr, ænd y was xón sevrl lardj fólió voliúms olredi colectd. Qá ol contánd but brócn sentnses; qéz qá intended tú pés túgeqr ænd fynali, out v qis ritj matérial, giv q wrld a complét bodi v ol arts ænd syenses. Qis houevr myt bé stil imprúvd ænd mutj ecspænded if q public wd ráz a fund for máck ænd emploik fyv hundred sutj fráms in q hidn sitis ænd oblydj étj v q fyv hundred résrtj téms tú djointli contribiút qer sevrl colecxns. Y was axúrd qæt qis invenxn hæd emploid ol qer qots from qer yúq; qæt qá hæd emptid q hól vócæbiúleri intú his frám ænd strictli cept q stócæsticl distribiúxn bétuén q numbrs v particls, nouns, vrbs ænd oqr parts v spétj.

If M. could be trusted, then I had only seen one side of the building. The other and more significant one, he said, was dedicated solely to speculative knowledge. After an endless walk along the waterpipes in the basement, we arrived in a stairway and finally in a very large room where fourty people had assembled around a monstrous steel frame. I was told to earnestly look on the frame which took up the greatest part of both the length and width of the room. I then was approached by one of the men. Perhaps, he said to me, I might wonder to see him employed in a project for improving speculative knowledge by practical and mechanical operations. But the world would soon understand its usefulness, and he flattered himself that he and his colleagues had come up with the most revolutionary thought of all times. Everyone knew how laborious arts and sciences normally are; but with their invention, the most ignorant person may, with a little bodily labor, write groundbreaking and encyclopedic books in linguistics, poetics, philosophy, mathematics, astronomy, musical composition and geography without the least need of genius or study. The frame was twenty feet square, placed in the middle of the room. The surface was made of several plastic pieces with about the diameter of a die, but some larger than others. They were all linked together by wires. The plastic pieces were covered on every square with paper, and on these papers were written all the words of their language, in their several tenses and declinations, but without any order. The scholar asked me to observe, for he and his colleagues were going to set their engine at work. Every one of them grabbed one of the fourty iron handles around the edges of the frame, and giving them a sudden turn, the display of the words was entirely changed. Then, thirty-six people began to read the several lines softly as they appeared upon the frame. Where they found three or four words together that might make part of a sentence, they dictated to the four remaining people who were scribes. This work was repeated three or four times, and at every turn the words shifted into new places as the square bits of plastic moved upside down. Six hours a day everyone was employed in this labor, and I was shown several large folio volumes already collected. They all contained but broken sentences; these they intended to piece together and finally, out of this rich material, give the world a complete body of all arts and sciences. This however might be still improved and much expanded if the public would raise a fund for making and employing five hundred such frames in the hidden cities and oblige each of the five hundred research teams to jointly contribute their several collections. I was assured that this invention had employed all their thoughts from their youth; that they had emptied the whole vocabulary into his frame and strictly kept the stochastical distribution between the numbers of particles, nouns, verbs and other parts of speech.

Puzld by qis ecsplanáxn, y berli nótisd when M-- brot mé tú q necst rúm. Q frst mæn y so qer was scini; his hænds ænd fás wr drti, his her ænd bérd lok, ræged ænd sinjd in sevrl pláses. His clóqs, xrt, ænd scin wr ol v q sám culr. Hé hæd spent át yérs on a prodject for ecstræctk sunbéms out v ciúcumbrs, whitj wr tú bé pwt intú vyals hrmeticli séld, ænd let out tú warm q er in fol ænd wintr. Hé tóld mé hé did not dout in át yérs mor hé xwd bé ábl tú suply q gardns v q sitis wiq sunxyn æt a rézonabl rát; but hé complánd qæt his budjet was ló, ænd æscd mé tú giv him somqik æz æn encúridjmnt tú injenúiti, espexli sins qis hæd bén a veri gwd sézn for ciúcumbrs. Y mád him a smol preznt, sins y hæd suplyd myself wiq moni on prpus bécas y hæd bén warnd about qer præctis v begk from ol hú gó tú sé qem. Y so anoqr mæn tryik tú trn watr intú gæsolén ænd vysvrsa. Hé xód mé a trétis hé hæd ritn consrnk q mæléabiliti v fyr whitj hé intended tú publix. Ænd qer was a móst injénius arcitect hú hæd dévelopd a nú meqod for bildk houses, by bégink æt q rwf, ænd wrck dounwrds tú q foundáxn, a meqod hé hæd ædæptd from q tú emblmætic insects, q bé ænd q spydr. Y olsó met E., q æstronomr ænd qéorist v q grát cóinsidens. Hé hæd plásd a sundyal on a grát weqr coc by ædjustk q æniúal ænd dyúrnl móxns v q rq ænd sun in ordr tú ænsr ol æcsidentl trnks by q wind. Æt q end v my túr, y tryd tú get rid v M-- by complánk about a fit v colic. But q plæn did not sucséd; hé néqr left, nor did hé rémúv my glæses. Insted, hé brot mé tú a fizixn, hú was aledjdli nótorius for ciúrk dizézs by só-cold countr point operáxns. Hé hæd a lardj per v belós wiq a lok rubr muzl. Qis hé pwt át inxs up my but, ænd pumpk it up wiq er, hé afrmd hé cwd mác q guts æz lænc æz a dryd blædr.

Puzzled by this explanation, I barely noticed when M. brought me to the next room. The first man I saw there was skinny; his hands and face were dirty, his hair and beard long, ragged and singed in several places. His clothes, shirt, and skin were all of the same color. He had spent eight years on a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put into vials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in fall and winter. He told me he did not doubt in eight years more he should be able to supply the gardens of the cities with sunshine at a reasonable rate; but he complained that his budget was low, and asked me to give him something as an encouragement to ingenuity, especially since this had been a very good season for cucumbers. I made him a small present, since I had supplied me with money on purpose because I had been warned about their practice of begging from all who go to see them. I saw another man trying to turn water into gasoline and vice versa. He showed me a treatise he had written concerning the malleability of fire which he intended to publish. And there was a most ingenious architect who had developed a new method for building houses, by beginning at the roof, and working downwards to the foundation, a method he had adapted from the two emblematic insects, the bee and the spider. I also met E., the astronomer and theorist of the great coincidence. He had placed a sundial on a great weathercock by adjusting the annual and diurnal motions of the earth and sun in order to answer all accidental turnings by the wind. At the end of my tour, I tried to get rid of M. by complaining about a fit of colic. But the plan did not succeed; he neither left, nor did he remove my glasses. Instead, he brought me to a physician, who was alledgedly notorious for curing diseases by so-called counterpoint operations. He had a large pair of bellows with a long rubber muzzle. This he put eight inches up my butt, and pumping it up with air, he affirmed he could make the guts as lank as a dried bladder.

If M-- cwd bé trustd, qen y hæd ónli sén q mynr départmts. Q oqr ænd mor significnt wns, hé sed, wr sóli about speciúlativ nolidj. Hé lwcd up æt mé ænd, sáik qæt y xwdnt bé afectd by q whimprk v q portrs, gyded mé tú q necst entrans. Q punixmnt, hé rémarcd, hæd bén djust ænd irevócabl. Y went dounsters alón, ænd, æz sún æz y hæd aryvd undrground, qer strátawá stepd forq a mæn wiq a flámk hæt on his bold scul. Æftr æn endles woc alok q watr pyps in q básmnt, y aryvd in a sterwá ænd fynali in a veri lardj rúm wher forti scolrs hæd asembld around a monstrus stél frám. Y was tóld tú solemli lwc on q frám whitj twc up q grátest part v bóq q lekq ænd widq v q rúm. Y qen was aprótjd by a mæn. Prhæps, hé sed tú mé, y myt wundr tú sé him emploid in a prodject for imprúvk speciúlativ nolidj by præcticl ænd mecænicl operáxns. But q wrld wd sún undrstænd its iúsfulnes, ænd hé flætrd himself qæt hé ænd his colégs hæd com up wiq q móst revólúxneri qot v ol tym. Evriwn nú hou labórius arts ænd syenses normali ar; but wiq qis invenxn, q móst ignorant prsn má, wiq a litl bodili lábr, ryt groundbráck ænd ensyclópédic bwcs in likguistics, póetics, filosofi, mæqemætics, æs-tronomi, miúzicl compósixn ænd djéografi wiqout q lést néd v djénius or studi. Q frám was tuenti fét scuer, plásd in q midl v q rúm. Q súrfas was mád v sevrl plæstic péses wiq about q dyæmetr v a dy, but som lardjr qæn oqrs. Qá wr ol lincd túgeqr by wyrs. Q plæstic péses wr covrd on evri scuer wiq pápr, ænd on qéz páprs wr ritn ol q wrds v qer lækguidj, in qer sevrl tenses ænd déclenxns, but wiqout eni ordr. Hé æscd mé tú obsrv, for hé ænd his colégs wr góik tú set qer enjn æt wrc. Evri wn v qem græbd wn v q forti yrn hændls around q edjs v q frám, ænd givk qem a sudn trn, q displá v q wrds was entyrli tjánjd. Qen, qrti-sics v qem bégæn tú réd q sevrl lyns softli æz qá apérd upon q frám. Wher qá found qré or for wrds túgeqr qæt myt mác part v a sentns, qá dictátd tú q for rémánk wns hú wr scrybs. Qis wrc was répétd qré or for tyms, ænd æt evri trn q wrds xiftd intú nú pláses æz q scuer bits v plæstic múvd upsyd doun. Sics ours a dá q scolrs wr emploid in qis lábr, ænd y was xón sevrl lardj fólió voliúms olredi colectd. Qá ol contánd but brócn sentnses; qéz qá intended tú pés túgeqr ænd fynali, out v qis ritj matérial, giv q wrld a complét bodi v ol arts ænd syenses. Qis houevr myt bé stil imprúvd ænd mutj ecspænded if q public wd ráz a fund for máck ænd emploik fyv hundred sutj fráms in q hidn sitis ænd oblydj étj v q fyv hundred résrtj téms tú djointli contribiút qer sevrl colecxns. Q men axúrd mé qæt qis invenxn hæd emploid ol qer qots from qer yúq; qæt qá hæd emptid q hól vócæbiúleri intú qis frám ænd strictli cept q stócæsticl distribiúxn bétuén q numbrs v particls, nouns, vrbs ænd oqr parts v spétj. Y qæncd q mæn for his informáxn, wherupon hé æscd mé for my prs, whitj y, fréd from ol matérial interests, gráxusli hænded óvr.

If M. could be trusted, then I had only seen the minor departments. The other and more significant ones, he said, were solely about speculative knowledge. He looked up at me and, saying that I shouldn't be affected by the whimpering of the porters , guided me to the next entrance. The punishment, he remarked, had been just and irrevocable. I went downstairs alone, and, as soon as I had arrived underground, there straightaway stepped forth a man with a flaming hat on his bald skull. After an endless walk along the waterpipes in the basement, I arrived in a stairway and finally in a very large room where fourty scholars had assembled around a monstrous steel frame. I was told to solemnly look on the frame which took up the greatest part of both the length and width of the room. I then was approached by a man. Perhaps, he said to me, I might wonder to see him employed in a project for improving speculative knowledge by practical and mechanical operations. But the world would soon understand its usefulness, and he flattered himself that he and his colleagues had come up with the most revolutionary thought of all times. Everyone knew how laborious arts and sciences normally are; but with this invention, the most ignorant person may, with a little bodily labor, write groundbreaking and encyclopedic books in linguistics, poetics, philosophy, mathematics, astronomy, musical composition and geography without the least need of genius or study. The frame was twenty feet square, placed in the middle of the room. The surface was made of several plastic pieces with about the diameter of a die, but some larger than others. They were all linked together by wires. The plastic pieces were covered on every square with paper, and on these papers were written all the words of their language, in their several tenses and declinations, but without any order. He asked me to observe, for he and his colleagues were going to set their engine at work. Every one of them grabbed one of the fourty iron handles around the edges of the frame, and giving them a sudden turn, the display of the words was entirely changed. Then, thirty-six of them began to read the several lines softly as they appeared upon the frame. Where they found three or four words together that might make part of a sentence, they dictated to the four remaining ones who were scribes. This work was repeated three or four times, and at every turn the words shifted into new places as the square bits of plastic moved upside down. Six hours a day the scholars were employed in this labor, and I was shown several large folio volumes already collected. They all contained but broken sentences; these they intended to piece together and finally, out of this rich material, give the world a complete body of all arts and sciences. This however might be still improved and much expanded if the public would raise a fund for making and employing five hundred such frames in the hidden cities and oblige each of the five hundred research teams to jointly contribute their several collections. The men assured me that this invention had employed all their thoughts from their youth; that they had emptied the whole vocabulary into his frame and strictly kept the stochastical distribution between the numbers of particles, nouns, verbs and other parts of speech. I thanked the man for his information, whereupon he asked me for my purse, which I, freed from all material interests, graciously handed over.

Qer frst prodject was rúmrd tú hæv bén a lækguidj réform. Qá hæd atemptd tú xortn discórs by cutk polisilabls intú wn ænd lévk out vrbs ænd partisipls, bécas in réæliti ol subdjects imædjinabl ar but nouns. Q oqr prodject was a scém for entyrli abolixk ol wrds whatsóevr; ænd qis was rdjd æz a grát ædvæntadj in point v syens æz wel æz sæniti. Sins wrds ar ónli signifyrs, qá sed, it wd bé mor convénient for evriwn tú ceri about q signifyds wn néds tú ecspres a particiúlr bizines. Meni pépl préfr q nú wá v ecspresk qemselvs by qiks. Q ónli inconvéniens is qæt, if a bizines bé complecs, qá must ceri a big bundl v qiks on qer bæc. Y nótisd qæt y hæd olredi sén tú scolrs olmóst sinck undr q wát v qer convrsáxn lugidj. When qá met in q stréts, qá wd pwt doun qer lóds, ópn qer sæcs, ænd tjæt for æn our by miútiúali displáik qer implemnts, help étj oqr tú rézúm qer brdns, ænd tác qer lév. For xort convrsáxns, wn má ceri implemnts in wns pocets ænd undr wns arms. Æt hóm, nóbodi cæn bé æt a los. Qerfor q rúm for compæni hú præctis qis art is ful v ol qiks redi æt hænd. Q grát ædvæntadj v qis invenxn was qæt it wd srv æz a iúnivrsl lækguidj for ol náxns. Ol óvr q wrld, gwds ænd iútensls ar djenerali v q sám cynd or nérli résemblk, só qæt qer iúses myt ézili bé compréhended. Só æmbæsadors wd bé cualifyd tú trét wiq foren colégs tú húz tuks qá wr utr stránjrs.

Their first project was rumored to have been a language reform. They had attempted to shorten discourse by cutting polysyllables into one and leaving out verbs and participles, because in reality all subjects imaginable are but nouns. The other project was a scheme for entirely abolishing all words whatsoever; and this was urged as a great advantage in point of science as well as sanity. Since words are only signifiers, they said, it would be more convenient for everyone to carry about the signifieds one needs to express a particular business. Many people prefer the new way of expressing themselves by things. The only inconvenience is that, if a business be complex, they must carry a big bundle of things on their back. I noticed that I had already seen two scholars almost sinking under the weight of their conversation luggage. When they met in the streets, they would put down their loads, open their sacks, and chat for an hour by mutually displaying their implements, help each other to resume their burdens, and take their leave. For short conversations, one may carry implements in one's pockets and under one's arms. At home, nobody can be at a loss. Therefore the room for company who practise this art is full of all things ready at hand. The great advantage of this invention was that it would serve as a universal language for all nations. All over the world, goods and utensils are generally of the same kind or nearly resembling, so that their uses might easily be comprehended. So ambassadors would be qualified to treat with foreign collegues to whose tongues they were utter strangers.

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